It’s what I’ve been lately.

Angry.  Very Angry.

Seemingly out of now where I will explode.  Sometimes on the inside and sometimes on the outside – usually at the kids.

I hate that.

It is embarrassing, shameful, and produces self-loathing.

Just this week I yelled at one of the kids after just having made a vow that I wouldn’t do that anymore.  As soon as the moment passed I was filled with self-hatred and shame.  I was so embarrassed.

I totally can relate to the apostle Paul who says in Romans 7 he does what he doesn’t want to do and doesn’t do what he wants to do.

That’s me.

And I hate it.

After my latest outburst of anger I sequestered myself up in my room.  I sat down with my journal and poured out my feelings to the Lord in prayer.  I heard him say, ”Be at peace.”  I ask the Lord, “how can I be at peace when I acted like that?!”  I heard the still small voice say, “Because my grace is sufficient.”

Ahhhh… Thank God for his grace.

Some lessons I’m learning;

1.  God’s grace is sufficient.
2. My kids have needed to see me humble myself and apologize to them admitting my sinfulness, embarrassment, and desire to change.  Thank God for their grace and willingness to forgive.
3. I’ve begun seeing a counselor to help me get at the root of this newly exhibited anger.  There has to be something deeper behind the anger. I just don’t know what it is yet.
4. I believe at the end of this process I will be a freer and better man.

So – are you angry too?  I recommend you do what it takes to get at the root.

My first kiss was in a car.  My lips smashed up against my girlfriend’s, at the time, and it was one of the more awkward moments I have ever experienced.   Sometime later I met my wife, Anna.  Now there are no awkward kisses.  Every kiss is given and received with grace.  Yes, kissing is still vulnerable, but when you kiss someone you love its magical.  Honesty is like kissing.

At first, living in the light is awkward.  Questions such as, “How are people going to receive me?” parade through our thoughts, and many times even keep us from living honestly with others.  But once we begin to take those steps, to make honest living a lifestyle, we begin to enjoy the outcome.  We experience intimacy, grace, acceptance, and most of all an ability to see others instead of only ourselves.

Honesty like kissing, although awkward at first, perpetuates us into a realm of existence where we can know others in deep ways.  Ways that allow us to care about someone else.  Maybe even care for others like Jesus cares for others.  When we live in honesty, everything changes, and that is the point.  We are not called to live for ourselves.  We are not called to focus on ourselves.  We are called to die to ourselves and, through that death, love other people.  And if we know anything from the heart of the Gospel of Jesus Christ it is this:  When we die so that others might live, we get resurrected.  We get to experience life as it is truly meant to be lived.  This is grace.  But remember, grace comes with honesty.

That changed in the blink of an eye.

Out of nowhere Barkly jumped up on my lap.  His agile antics effectively killed my comfort and interrupted the game.

In case you haven’t noticed, Barkly is huge.  He weighs 153 pounds.  Neither my lap nor the La-Z-Boy were expecting the added burden of that hairy beast.

In addition to his girth, he brought a fair amount of slobber with him which ended up grossly smeared on my sweatshirt.

So there I was with a huge drool machine sitting on my lap interrupting my well-planned evening.

And I loved it.

Alot.

In fact this is one of the reasons I love Newfies.  As a breed they are known for their affectionate nature.  It is as if they can’t help but be loving and affectionate.

Barkly is happiest when he is closest to me.

And sometimes that means my plans get interrupted.  And as I’ve said I love it.

Seems to me that God is a lot like that.  Not the slobbering dog part, but the loves affection part – even when it is seemingly ill-timed and messy.

The Bible makes it clear that the Lord loves the praise of his people.  Often in the scriptures we see the Lord’s presence visiting the people when they praise (go to www.biblos.com and do some searching of your own).  He loves it when we go all Newfy on him.  That is to say, God really appreciates when we praise him, tell him we love him, and express our thanks to him.

How about we let our life go to the dogs – Newfoundlands to be exact.  Let’s learn from Barkly and hop on the lap of our Abba and lavish some affection on him.

Hmmm … what if I lived my life by this Spirit?  A Spirit that obliterates fear, worry,
passivity, and apprehension.

My human nature tends to shy away from risk, failure, humility, and disappointment.
Many decisions I’ve made or not made, in the past, expose my human nature – expose
my tendency to ‘play it safe.’ The enemy laughs and likes to shame me in what could
have been and dangle feelings of regret.

But what about my Spirit nature; the One that bleeds power, love, self-discipline, victory,
and freedom?  Isn’t that what my wife, children, neighbors, co-workers, and the world
need?

Paul insists that I can live by that Holy Spirit.  How? My experience with God brings
two words to mind … listen and obey. Both are risky. Both take courage to do. But hey
– it’s within me; God is within me.

I saw a sweet movie today; ‘We Bought a Zoo.’ The lead character makes a profound
statement: ‘All you need is 20 seconds of insane courage and I promise you something
great will come out of it.’

When I read the gospels … Jesus was the quintessential picture of insane courage.

You are His disciple!